Reverb11: One Word

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word.
Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

When this question was asked last year, the word I chose that I felt represented 2010 for me was change. A lot had altered in my life and I was trying to come to terms with it. I had to give up my job in January due to ill health and had found that, contrary to my expectations, it was taking a lot longer to recover than I thought. My 'stress' turned out to be ME/CFS and I was finally diagnosed in the summer of 2010. I spent 2010 feeling ill a lot of the time, and mostly housebound.

In the autumn of 2010 I had taken the online courses Mondo Beyondo and Dream Lab, discovered an interest both in writing and taking photographs and realised I had options. Having spent years as a single parent on a low income, and home educating my son from the age of 11 too, what I wanted to do with my life had never really occurred to me, I just got on with what had to be done. For the first time I started to think about what I wanted to do with my life. So for 2011 I chose the word opportunity. It seemed to me, that with the luxury of not having to go to work (well, not being able to) the world was my oyster. My brain went leaping around as always, this grasshopper mind I have, I can do this, I can be that, I can change everything....I didn't really factor my health into the equation, as usual. With a wedding in April to plan, the first part of the year was taken up with that, then the honeymoon, then the inevitable health setback that followed. By the time I felt better, several weeks had passed. This had been my pattern up to this point. Overdoing things, then relapse. I realised it had to stop. Since then, I have tried to slow down, to focus on the here and now, and eliminate stress and worry (easier said than done). 

In retrospect, the word I would choose for 2011 is patience, which is the thing I most needed to learn.  I have learned that this illness will take its course, and trying to ignore it results in me feeling ill and miserable and it takes weeks to build myself back up. I have to slow down, I have to listen to my mind and body and I have to rest. A lot, and far too much than I generally want to. Yes, it is frustrating, but it is the only way I am going to recover. And I am going to recover. As 2011 comes to an end, I have found myself in a place of peace, most of the time anyway, and so this is the word I am choosing for 2012.

Peace. Next year I want more peace in my life. I want to feel comfortable with who I am and where I am. I want to continue to build this new married family life, and continue making our little house into the home it wants to be. I will take the writing course I am scared of, and I will stop procrastinating and buy that grown-up girl's camera. I will rest, particularly that grasshopper mind. Peace in all things. Sounds good to me.

unravelling: reflections

Those of you who get these posts by email have probably already had an incomplete version of this...apologies! I hit publish instead of save to draft yesterday.... blame the fact that it was two in the morning.

I read somewhere that you should think about how you want to feel in your life, then work out what things make you feel that way, and those should be the things you are doing, or working toward.

Interesting. I like to feel:

Comfortable
Peaceful
Joyful
Comfortable
Attractive
Content

So...do I feel those things most of the time? Uh...probably not. I'm not sure I want to! If I was comfortable all the time, it would be yoga pants and fluffy socks all the way, not the best look for all occasions. Peaceful - well, that's nice but but I wouldn't want to venture into zen territory really, certainly not permanently. Joy, what a wonderful feeling, but every day? And much as I look to look nice, it would just be too much effort to keep it up all the time. Back to the yoga pants and fluffy socks, at least in the house. Contentment, though, now that's something I would like to have all the time.

So many people seem to me to be putting off contentment to some elusive future place and time. When they retire, when they lose weight, when they can buy that bigger house, or get a better job.  Of course I am not content with having CFS, or the fact that I can't do so much that I would like to, but I do get a lot of contentment from other things. For me right now, it would be milk in the fridge and bread in the bread bin, as we have run out of both, there's nothing for lunch and I don't feel well enough to go to the shop! But seriously, a cup of tea and the crossword, a drive in the country, an evening spent with family or friends, a nap on the sofa, and yes, wearing my yoga pants and fluffy slippers - these things spell contentment to me just as much as the bigger things.

Autumn Parade of Adventures

Despite the news that apparently that we are expecting a heatwave hotter than Hawaii this week, it feels like Autumn to me at the moment. The Virginia creeper that covers the fence in the back garden is starting to turn red. I love Virginia creeper and was so pleased to see it when we moved here, but it turned out a let down as invariably the wind takes most the leaves before they turn truly red. 


I am always reminded at this time how close Christmas is, and how much there is to do. I am determined this year to actually enjoy December and the lead up to the festive season, as usually, in recent years with my bouts of anaemia and then CFS, I spend December stressed, overwhelmed and feeling ill. Last year it was well into February before I recovered. This year I am hoping to cut down on work, and plan ahead, and possibly even enjoy December, and then not be ill for weeks after Christmas, wouldn't that be nice. 


It's a long time since I did a Parade of Adventures post. The idea initially came from the Flylady whose idea it was to call her daily 'to do list' by that name. I like the idea - I would much rather write a Parade of Adventures than a to do list, wouldn't you? 


So, here is my Autumn parade of adventures for this year

• Knit a scarf
• Buy a good quality winter coat. The inexpensive one I bought last year resembled a dog blanket after half a dozen wears (thank you, Sainsbury)
• Go to the firework display on 5th November
• Buy some sparklers!
• Tidy and clean the house ready for Christmas tree and decorations 
• Make a start on the Christmas shopping
• Put the garden to bed for the winter 
• Declutter and organise the shed before it's too cold
• Buy myself flowers
• Eat soup, cinnamon toast and a toffee apple. Probably not together.
• Bake apples
• Plant bulbs and sweet peas for the Spring

What's on your Parade of Adventures this Autumn?

Reverb10: One Word

As I mentioned previously, I am taking part in Reverb10 this month. Every day throughout December, I will be responding to the day's prompt, mostly here on twitter or on flickr, possibly also in my sketchbook.

Today's prompt:

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

My word of 2010 has to be CHANGE.

I have had lots of change in my life this year. In January I stopped working due to illness (I have CFS). In April I became engaged to the Dusty Professor and started planning our wedding for next year. In the summer my good friend Gail moved away. In September, the Young Philosopher went away to university.

It has been a challenge learning to accept my limitations this year, working out a way to do less, yet still find time for the things I enjoy doing. I have had to slow down, and pace myself, which has not always been easy.

Through being at home so much this year, I have spent more time on the internet and discovered some amazing websites and people, and a wonderful creative community that I didn't know existed. I have rediscovered writing, and realised I like taking photographs, and I hope to develop both further in 2011. Last year I was feeling trapped in a job I hated, so really my illness has given me the chance to start over, to reassess what I want to do.

My word for 2011 is OPPORTUNITY.

Being Kind to Myself

From getrealpaid

CFS strikes again. Recently things have improved. The good days are getting better and I just had several of them in a row, which was fantastic. Until recent weeks, even on a good day I was a very tired version of me, on a bad day considerably worse. Today is a bad day. This morning I woke up feeling awful. I am exhausted, I have a sore throat, sore eyes, aches and pains. It hurts to type. Ah well.

So today I am Being Kind to Myself. For this I need the following supplies:

Sofa

Blanket

Pyjamas

Hot chocolate (sadly, I have run out of marshmallows)

A book

DVDs

Maybe some music

Chocolate and crisps (have to wait for the Prof to get home for those)

Maybe tomorrow will be a Good Day.