Space

Photograph by Ell Brown

I need space. In my house, in my life, in my head.

Many years ago I read Karen Kingston's book, Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui. The one thing that has stayed with me is the idea that you are connected to every one of your possessions by an invisible thread. The more you have, the more connections, and the untidier everything is...well, you can imagine. I dread to think what my invisible threads look like. I feel exactly as if my thoughts, my house and my life are this enormous, tangled mass.

I've written about the noise in my head before. I feel like there is not room in my head for One More Thing. Lately I am more or less incapable of remembering anything at all. I try to write things down, but very often the thought is gone by the time I have picked up the pen. I am forgetting birthdays, doctor appointments, words. I can't always formulate a sentence. I have thought maybe I need to relax, to sit quietly for a while each day to try and clear my mind but I find it impossible. Getting out the house helps, but only for as long as I am elsewhere. With Christmas looming and a wedding to plan, the mental clutter is only increasing.

So today I am making a plan. I am not sure of the details yet. They will involve less time online, more time reading, writing and getting outside and some way of harnessing my thoughts and dealing with my huge mental to-do list. Also dealing with the physical clutter in the house and loft, though I have been making a start on that for a while.

Watch this space.